MEG

I have never once cried during the dozen or so times Jack has been put under anesthesia and wheeled away from me, now all of that changed. We did our first test in the first phase of Jack's epilepsy surgery on Thursday. This test is called the MEG or Magnetoencephalography. It is my understanding that there are only a handful of these machines in use nationwide. It is the latest and greatest brain mapping machine. It is supposed to measure the brain's magnetic fields that occur when we do any function ie. talking, moving etc. Combined with MRI imaging it gives the surgeons precise information on where the seizures are coming from in his brain vs where speech, memory and other key functions originate. With this precise map of his brain they can more accurately remove the section that is causing the epilepsy and allow him to maintain as much normal function as possible.

We arrived at 7:30am at the hospital with our sweet boy who had to fast for this test. Fasting is not fun for anyone, I don't care who you are! This is one of the many tests during this process that requires him to be put under anesthesia. If anyone has ever watched their child be put to sleep, it is heartbreaking. He screamed and cried and then just all at once, went limp. Michael and I kissed him and told him we loved him and he struggled and moved his arms. We then just had to walk away, that part is always so hard. There is something different about his face when he's sleeping under anesthesia. It's not this peaceful sleeping boy that I could gaze at all night. I don't know exactly how to describe it, but it's just different in an uncomfortable way. As soon as we left his side, the silence was deafening and I just started to cry. This surgery is so real now, so tangible, so scary. The possibility that someone may remove a part of his body, a part that is so perfectly imperfect, a part that I created; this idea I struggle with.

Then the wave of relief, when the waiting room door opens and they called our name to come see Jack. He was sitting up, groggy but refusing to open his eyes. We tried everything and he just wouldn't open his eyes... and then they offered him a prize for being such a brave boy. That did the trick, what kids won't do for a treat or a prize. He picked out a Cars record a book, which I thought was a great choice! We can't wait to record Michael's Mom reading the story. Now we wait, it will be about a month until we find out the final results of today's testing. I asked questions to the nurses and techs tying to lead them into telling me some results and all we could find out is that they were able to obtain good data. This leaves me with the mixed emotions of great, I'm glad they got what they needed and heartbroken that it most likely means he continues to have seizure activity even when we aren't seeing anything. I always go into these tests thinking maybe one day someone will say he's fine and we've been blessed with a miracle of healing. So until that happens, I will keep praying and hoping and most of all just keep loving this wonderful family.